Insignificance

I stood there. Surrounded by hundreds maybe thousands of people wearing some variation of black and white. I was too. But I was also wearing a bright red jacket. One you could spot from anywhere in that packed room. I probably knew about a quarter of the people there. There wasn't any dancing. Just hot bodies mingled together. I moved to the center of the crowd. I looked up at the balloons. I started turning slow circles. I could feel the weight of people pressing in on me. I could here the conversations start spilling into each other. No one noticed me. They started counting down at 3 minutes, I turned a slow circle. 2 minutes, I was staring into space. 1 minute 30 seconds, i could feel the empty spaces around me begin to fill with more people than that space allowed. 1 minute, there was clapping; there was cheering. They started counting down 10, 9, 8, I closed my eyes, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The balloons fell. I stood there with my eyes closed feeling everyone around me scramble for a balloon. Then they started popping them. The sound echoed in my ears one after another. From around the room camera flashes began to go off, but all i could see where bright bursts behind my closed eyelids. The popping grew louder and the flashes brighter. It felt so much like fireworks. I just let everything go. And I stood there. Getting pushed and shoved I stood there. Thinking about how amazing this feeling was. The feeling of insignificance. No cared about me in that instance. I was just a weird girl in a red jacket who wouldn't move. But to me I was so much more. I was teleported to better times. Times unknown. They say ignorance is bliss. . .I'd have to agree that in this instance, no one caring about me, no one telling me to move no one noticing me. That was bliss. Knowing that for even a few seconds I could be alone in a sea of lost faces. Knowing that even though I wasn't alone I could feel it. And I know that seems weird but it felt good to be alone for those few seconds. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I would be nothing without them, but sometimes I just want to be able to live without social contact or human interaction. It's so overrated. And yet I'm one of the friendliest people you'll ever meet here. I don't really know why that is I just know that in that 30 or so seconds after midnight I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. Not many would believe me when I say i didn't hear anything except the pops of the balloons. The flashes of light that accompanied them were all that was in my head. And it felt good.