I Hurt

It's like this deep intense feeling in the pit of my chest.

I feel sick to my stomach.

I don't want to do anything.

I don't want to see anything.

I don't physically hurt.

I just know that there is something inside of me that just hurts.

Part of me wants to be angry at him.

But I know that this is kind of my fault too.

I just. I don't want to do this. I don't want to pretend that everything is okay.

That I am okay.

It hurts too much. I don't like it. I can't bear it.

I look at him and my whole perspective has changed.

His face isn't warm, inviting, attractive anymore.

It has a cold, hard, persistent shadow.

I have to believe that he is not the same as he was a week ago.

I have to believe that one day I'll be able to look back on everything we did together and be happy, but right now. Right now all I want to do is cry. I want to curl up and cry until nothing comes out of my eyes. I do not want to be strong. I do not want to do or be anything. I just want to talk to him. We don't even have to be friends. I just want to know that this is not the end. The fact that this is the end is burning in my chest. Right about where the heart is. I'm so emotionally hurt, I physically feel it. I look like crap and I feel like crap. Know that the smile on my face is probably fake. At least I have the strength to fake it. At least I have the strength to pretend. Because if I couldn't pretend and I had to walk around this campus with all of this written on my face, I can't even imagine what I would do. I just want to sleep. Sleep it all away. I don't even care if I sound like a drama queen about this. This is what I feel. Get used to it. Get over it. I should take my own advice.