Is the End in Sight?

I just don't know what to do with myself right now. Part of me wants to curl up on my bed and just cry and cry and cry. The other, stronger part of me says to land on my feet and pretend that nothing is wrong. But is that really the stronger part? Is ignoring the pain I feel being STRONG? Or is that just being a coward? Shouldn't I just bear it? Wouldn't that be the stronger thing to do? And if I am supposed to bear it than how? How do you bear the pain of a break up, when we weren't even in a relationship? Knowing that had I just left things ALONE. Something could've happened, but I couldn't just leave things alone and now. . .there's a message sitting in my inbox that I just keep staring at. I'm kind of on a cycle. Sit and stare at the message, tearing apart each and every word. Each and every line falling under my scrutiny. Then I realize what I'm doing and I put the computer down and I curl up in a ball and I cry. A little bit less each time, but I cry. Again, I realize what I'm doing and jump up ready to face anything, even him. And for those few hours, I am on cloud nine. Nothing can stop me. Oliver who? I pretend I'm fine. I pretend that nothing is wrong and that the awkward silence and concerned looks I get when I say his name don't exist. Is that okay though? I mean isn't ignoring everything, pushing it down and pretending it doesn't exist, saying "I am okay" so many times that, in a sense, it was true. . .isn't that what got me in trouble in the first place? Isn't that what has me sitting in a counselors office every week spilling my guts and getting feedback about them? So what do I do? What do I do? I'm so much at a loss. Someone help me.